


o brother beloved brother

by Cicadaemon



Category: The Terror (TV 2018), The Terror - Dan Simmons
Genre: Brotherly Love, Drabble, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-25 14:22:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15642534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cicadaemon/pseuds/Cicadaemon
Summary: This desolate land was beautiful as it was terrifying. Every turn, Robert feared finding what remained of the Franklin crew and seeing a skeleton so familiar. Though at this point any remains they’d find wouldn’t have the chance to decompose. Robert feared this more. A body with dark curls and a kind face. This haunted his dreams.





	1. Chapter 1

The Arctic was nothing like he had imagined. In the few letters they had gotten, the picture in Robert’s head had been a land icy with snow built up higher than any building in Edinburgh. He had been jealous that his brother had gotten this adventure and he hadn’t, it was enough to finally push him to medical school. Though he hadn’t finished when the expedition was called, he hadn’t been afraid to lie and say he was a doctor. Some how this worked and here he was.

This desolate land was beautiful as it was terrifying. Every turn, Robert feared finding what remained of the Franklin crew and seeing a skeleton so familiar. Though at this point any remains they’d find wouldn’t have the chance to decompose. Robert feared this more. A body with dark curls and a kind face. This haunted his dreams.

The last couple of days, coupled with bad weather, tracing steps and melancholy had put a damper on his spirits, but finally after days of trekking they came across a cairn. Robert’s hopes had risen and then fallen when there was no message inside, but instead the men he was with prepped the Admiralty canister they had, along with newspapers detailing the latest in London when they had left. Robert had stood to the side with letters.

“Deliver this,” Jane’s voice had shook when she had handed him the letter. “When you find Hen- when you find him, give him this. Please.”

She could barely come to say his name and how could Robert blame his sister. “Of course. I’ll come home with him I promise.”

When Harry had been home the last time, knowing they wouldn’t be all together for sometime there had been a nice supper and laughter. Robert did not get this. There was nothing, except the terrible idea that loomed over all of them that they would never be a whole family ever again even if Harry did come back. What was a family without the people they had lost?

Robert A. Goodsir clutched these letters so hard he could have ripped them if it was not for the gloves making it impossible. He had a terrible ache in his chest that only could come from longing and desperation. He wanted to step forward and dropped the two letters in, one from Jane and one from him, but he couldn’t. So much sadness was contained in them, he feared it’d be too much if they were chanced upon by his brother. He needed to say with his own mouth that their father and poor Archie were dead. There was also the terror that someone else would come across these letters that were meant only for his dear brother’s eyes. This was not acceptable.

He needed more than anything else than to hand his brother these letters and hug him so tight that he would knock the breath out of him. He needed to hear Harry call him by the nickname no one else in their family did, to smile at him and tell him he was okay. That everything was going to be okay. Robert need Harry more than he needed the words he was so fond of writing down. He would happily give up his own dreams of novels if it meant he could have his brother back.

Robert watched as they sealed the cairn back up again. He was grateful that the blue-stained spectacles on his face hid his tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historically, Robert Goodsir did go looking for Harry on two separate occasions. He wrote down his first trip to the North on Mr. Penny's (the guy who's teeth exploded according to MacDonald) ship and this moment at the cairn actually did happen. He didn't leave the letters cause he didn't want Harry to be bombarded with news or some stranger to read them.
> 
> Harry disappearing really did destroy his family.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert had shaken as he read this sister’s letter, her writing which had always been impeccable now a mess. He tried his best to remember Archibald as he had been before going abroad, before his consumption had become apparent. With all his might he tried to remember a happy, healthy Archie, but each time the image of the boy he had left back in April came back and Robert found himself sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't stop won't stop

There are a few things in life that brought him comfort. The smell of sea salt, sand under his toes, the hefty weight of a book, homecooked meal and the company of others. For Robert he could find all these things back home in Anstruther Easter. Never in his life had he dreaded coming home, why would he ever when he knew that in those sturdy walls he had called home there was his family. There was no proper family there now. Father had died and Archie was ill when he left. He was stupid enough to think he'd come home and nothing would change. Instead he had gotten the terrible news of Archie when he had landed in Aberdeen exactly 8 months after setting off on the voyage.

Robert had shaken as he read this sister’s letter, her writing which had always been impeccable now a mess. He tried his best to remember Archibald as he had been before going abroad, before his consumption had become apparent. With all his might he tried to remember a happy, healthy Archie, but each time the image of the boy he had left back in April came back and Robert found himself sobbing.

The trip back to Anstruther was tedious, as the anticipation and dread made the hours drag on longer than they needed to. His stomach was in knots as he walked up to the Backdykes, to the white house they called Rosebank. Staring at the large house, he was struck by how little it had changed. Even the wood door that stood opposed before him hadn’t changed. He couldn’t help, but dive into nostalgia remembering how Archie, Harry and himself had also opted for the side entrance in the stone wall that connected to the backyard, and how they’d race to get to it, never afraid to shove each other. He could barely choked down on a sob that came from remembering this.

He knocked on the door and was quickly greeted by a familiar face.

Robert now stood taller than him, something that struck him as odd. Joseph blinked quickly before smiling bright and wide.

“Rob,” it felt so good to hear his voice. “You’re home.”

He couldn’t respond and instead flung himself into his brother’s arms. The hug was met and he held on tight to his jacket. They stood wordlessly like that for what felt like an eternity before Robert pulled away.

“We found nothing.”

Joseph’s mouth tightened, but his eyes stayed compassionate. It was the same look Joseph had always given Robert when things went wrong. Except for the teary look in his eyes, that was new.

“It’s okay.”

All he had wanted was to hear those words. He wanted to have been told them and for it to be true. Now that he finally heard them it was so far from the truth. Okay. Was it ever going to be okay again? He couldn’t hold down his tears now and he found himself wrecked. Joseph pulled him back into to the hug and he didn’t care that the neighbors could see, he sobbed into his brother wishing this was different.

He wanted Harry back, with his odd facts and warm smiles who had called him Bob and showered him in affection. To be able to spend time with shy Archie would adored him despite his flaws and made him feel worthwhile. He wanted to apologize to his parents for the trouble he had caused them in his upbringing and to tell them he loved them. He wanted to go back in time, to wake up from this horrible nightmare and for everything to be okay again. To have everything be whole once more.

He got this reality instead. And the thought that he’d have to live the rest of his life missing such vital parts broke his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So quick summary. The dad, John died in 1848 after heart complaints. In Jane's letter to Harry she mentions that the anxiety of him being missing and Archie getting sick had made his complaints worse. Archie died in March of 1849 of consumption. He got sick, was sent abroad as a cure, had a bad attack while abroad, came home, and eventually died. The mom, Elizabeth died in 1844. I've been unable to find any sort of death notice and I only know her death date cause of a gravestone I was able to find.
> 
> When I mentioned before Harry disappearing ruined the family it was partially true. The Goodsirs went through a lot of heartbreak in a very short amount of time. Robert was definitely affected by it and I think before acting out he'd be hurt. It's a lot to lose a lot of the people closest to you when you're barely into you 20s.


End file.
